Fuck, Marry, Kill
by Fafsernir
Summary: The Torchwood Team is having some time off in a bar and Owen decides it's a good idea to play the Fuck-Marry-Kill game with the people around the table...


_I don't own anything, I'm just having some fun (and being lazy because creating characters is quite long)_

 _I'm not a native speaker and this is my first work in English (a translation from one of my own work) so I apologize for any mistake, don't hesitate to tell me, I'd be glad to learn a thing or two ! I posted this one some time ago on Ao3, so why not finally post it on FF too?_

* * *

''Ianto! Fuck, Mary, Kill, with everybody here?''

Ianto glared at Owen in puzzlement then shrugged and looked carefully at his colleagues – his friends – around the table. The noisy bar around them added to the alcohol rushing through his veins didn't prevent him from thinking – for the moment at least – and he eventually smiled when his eyes stopped on Jack.

''I'd have to fuck Jack.''

The man smiled back, victoriously, whereas the other seemed rather shocked until Tosh made them understand that she actually quite agreed on that.

''I'd kill Owen, no hesitation,'' Ianto continued, still smiling.

''Oi ! You'll pay for that!''

''Precisely for that reason. Which leaves me Tosh to marry...'' He smiled gently at Tosh who answered with a wink whereas Jack seemed to at last get out of his own mind and interrupted them, apparently quite annoyed.

''But if you marry me, nothing stops us from fucking. A lot,'' he grinned.

''True, but I always love Tosh's company, unlike yours.''

Facing the innocent smile of Ianto, Jack growled, adding nothing but keeping in mind that Ianto will have to pay for that, too. And he wasn't planning on the same revenge as Owen...

''What about you Owen?'' concluded Ianto.

''To be honest, I never thought I'd say that but just for your coffee, I could marry you. So that you make me coffee. Of course, the rest of the time you'd be locked up in the basement, don't worry.'' Owen deadpanned.

''And I thought you were being kind...''

''For other obvious reasons, I'd kill Jack. I mean he's the boss, why would I want him still alive? I'd fuck Tosh, sorry... Jack?''

Jack forced himself to get out of his mind once more and smiled softly, in order to answer to this stupid game.

''I had some ideas but I think I should change, regarding of what happened... I'd marry Tosh, of course. I mean she's the only one that I could stand for a lifetime here and she can be pretty useful. Ianto ? I'd take a really great pleasure at... killing you, for the sake of this game. And if I have to try something new... I'd fuck Owen.''

''Looks like I'm the lucky one with this game in the end !'' smiled Tosh, looking relieved to not be the victim. A deep silence fell over the four friends for a few minutes. Ianto was deeply staring at Jack who was giving the stare back, smiling. The two others didn't really dare to break the contact and they were anyway taking this moment of relief gladly. Tosh didn't add anything, quite reluctant at the idea of having to do the game too since she didn't know what to answer at all. The tension was palpable between the two men and Ianto didn't move an inch when Jack slammed his hands on the table, scaring the hell out of Owen and Tosh. After bitting his tongue and his bottom lip and sitting up straight Jack breathed calmly and looked away, defeated. It didn't prevent him from missing the proud smile of Ianto at his dismiss.

''That's enough for tonight I think! Go back home, we never know what tomorrow will bring up, and I don't want anyone late! Or complaining. I told you to stop drinking a long time ago.'' he ordered. Owen got up right away, mumbling something, and Tosh was ready after him before even Ianto could make a move, too busy staring at Jack. His smile was gone by the time he looked up at Tosh and he stood up to allow her to leave. He offered his arm, winking at Jack who swallowed hard, his hand on his pants, hoping he could contain the reaction provoked by Ianto's intense glare. Ianto had just left Tosh in a taxi when Jack eventually got out of the pub. He crossed the road to join Ianto and felt his breath cut when he was tackled against the wall. He smiled under Ianto's lips before responding by bitting the bottom lip of the man who pulled away enough to talk.

''I think I stated that I'd gladly fuck someone some minutes ago...''

Jack felt his blood running through his veins, pounding against his temple and lost any coherent thought. Instead, he pressed his lips against Ianto's and moaned when Ianto tightened his hands on his shoulders before moving them lower.


End file.
